Maybe I'm Crazy
by millennium rod
Summary: Loosely based off the movie It's Kind of a Funny Story. Ryou, on the verge of suicide, checks himself into a mental hospital. Little does he know how the people there could impact him. Pairings will be decided later on. AU.
1. Admittance

Someone needs to stop me from starting more new series. Especially after watching movies. Like, the influences on this fic from a movie I watched recently- not hard to guess which one, if you've seen it- are so obvious, it's not even funny. This is getting ridiculous. But the friend who told me to write this said she liked it, so I decided that I'll go ahead with it.

When you thought about it, there really weren't that many reasons for standing on the edge of a bridge at three in the morning. In fact, the only one that came to my mind in that moment was the one that happened to be my reason for doing so. My hair was blowing all around in the freezing winds of January, yet I didn't bother to sweep it away. It was a unique feeling, and when you are in the last few moments of your life, you begin to notixe small, insignificant things such as that.

The other thing that you notice is just how many thoughts are running through your head. Pure adrenaline courses through your veins, when you attempt to convince yourself- is it really worth it? Cold whips around you, but you don't care. All that matters is the next few seconds, the one where you-

_On second thought, I really can't do this._

In some cases, this realization hits you like a ton of bricks. You snap back to the real world, noticing the freezing temperatures, your location, and even your bangs slapping against your forehead. You shiver, and move away from the edge, barely making it to the side of the road before you crumble, all those tears you thought you got rid of in your lifetime flowing out, hitting the pavement and instantly freezing.

You stay like that for a while, feeling absolutely terrible as you realize just how _close _you were to doing something terrible, something you could never take back. Eventually, you raise to stand on shaky legs, and with your mind on autopilot, you walk. You really don't care where you're going. Anywhere but here is fine, really. You walk for several blocks, before it finally hits you where you need to be. You can't return home, people would undoubtedly hear you return, and the resulting questions of where you had been would undoubtedly bring you to another breakdown. So finally, you make up your mind.

_I need help, don't I._

_ Xxx_

The first thing that shocked me about the hospital was its sheer _size._ Sure, it was big enough from the outside, but the inside was little more than a huge maze, threatening to lose you somewhere inside. If I wasn't with a doctor, leading me down the twisted halls, I would never have made it out.

But there I was, sitting in the examination room the doctor had led me to. He made no attempts at small talk before getting down to the inevitable questions, maybe because he had even less of a desire to be there this late than I did. His tone was bored, maybe even a little snappish.

"So your name is Ryou Bakura?" I nod my head. "What brings someone like you here at a time like this?"

I was silent, choosing my words carefully before answering. "I wanted to kill myself tonight," I finally answered. "I almost did it, too. I was standing on the edge of Domino Bridge, ready to jump. But I couldn't do it. I-I figured if I came here, I could get some help."

There were a flurry of questions following my statement, but all I could really focus on was the truth, finally sinking in. I had really just tried to kill myself. Sure, it was something I had considered before, but I never thought that I would attempt it. The guilt and self-loathing running through me briefly made me want to run out screaming, head back to that bridge, and try again to end it all.

A few more people were brought in for me to talk to, and it must have been a couple hours or so before they finally said the words I had been expecting, yet somewhat dreading.

"We're going to admit you to our psych ward."

Xxx

I was led down to the third floor of the hospital by a different doctor, who continued talking despite receiving no response. He showed me all of the places where I would be spending at least the next few days of my life. At this point, I was so exhausted that I barely paid any attention, hoping that each stop we made would be the entrance to my new room, where I could attempt some sleep. Not that it came easily to me even at home.

Finally, we approached a numbered door that was undoubtedly going to be my room. The doctor opened the door slowly, I assumed because I wasn't the only one who would be staying there. Sure enough, in the early morning rays of light, I could see a sleeping figure in the bed on the far side of the window.

"This," the doctor said, gesturing toward the person, "Is Malik Ishtar. He'll be your roommate. Now, breakfast is at eight, so you can sleep for a bit, but make sure you're there." I nodded, and I was left alone, save for my snoring roommate. I made my way to the bed, and fell asleep almost the instant my head hit the pillow.

Xxx

That night, I had a dream. It wasn't unusual for me. Hardly a night went by where I didn't see something as I slept. But tonight's dream was almost terrifying, in a way. My family surrounded me on that bridge, begging and pleading for me to come back. Father was there, despite the fact that he was in Egypt. Even mother and Amane, who had been lost so long ago, were there. I don't quite remember what they said, but I think I ignored them, jumping into the water, over a hundred feet below.

I awoke drenched in a cold sewat, with an unfamiliar face looking over me.

"So you're the new kid, huh?" he said, his eyes moving over me a couple of times. "Damn it, they could have at least asked if I wanted a new roommate…"

"You must be Malik, then," I murmured, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "Nice to meet you, too." He nodded.

"They must have told you who I was, then. Yeah, I'm Malik. Now, I would suggest getting out of bed, if you don't want to miss breakfast." I paused. It was rare for me to have an appetite this early in the morning, anyways- I usually made up for it later in the day.

"I'll be fine," I finally said, curling back up in bed. "I had kind of a late night last night, so I really just want to sleep-"

"Wow, you really are new here, aren't you?" Malik snorted. "It's not exactly optional. They'll deduct points if you don't show up and eat something."

"I don't care," I said into my pillow. "A couple points aren't important."

"Damn, kid, did they explain anything to you?" Malik laughed. "You'll be stuck in here forever, with that attitude. And take it from someone who knows- being in this hellhole for an extended amount of time? Not a good experience. So come on. Get up, and we can go eat something. If you're lucky, I'll even let you sit at my table."

"…Fine." I sat up, and climbed out of bed. Malik led me to the cafeteria, pointing out people he knew, also on their way to breakfast. Then, when I assumed we were almost there, his eyes lit up, and he dragged me toward someone I assumed was his friend. Although, it was strange- in appearance, the person wasn't too different from me.

"Bakura!" he called out. Even his name was the same? This was a bit creepy, but I could deal with it. "Good morning! Hey, look! We have a new guy!"

"Fuck off, Malik," the man grumbled, his voice low, with a hint of a British accent not too different from my own. "It's too early in the morning to put up with your bullshit." His gaze shifted over to me. "Oh, he wasn't lying. There is a new kid."

Malik also looked at me. I stiffened, not used to this much attention. "Oh yeah," he said, "I never did get your name."

"R-Ryou," I said, unsure of why I was stuttering. "Ryou Bakura." The man whose name was apparently Bakura as well looked at me strangely for a moment, but shrugged it off.

"Bakura Sennen. And as you may or may not already know, this idiot is Malik Ishtar."

"Nice to meet both of you," I said quickly, only wanting to get the spotlight off of myself. "Should we go, then?" Malik and Bakura looked at each other.

"We probably should," Bakura said. "The assholes who work here don't like when we're late. Take away points, and all that bullshit." Malik nodded solemnly in agreement.

And so we walked, toward the cafeteria. And as Malik and Bakura- the first two people I had met in this place, who seemed as though they could be friends of mine- bickered over something useless, I let out a small sigh, as I realized just what I had gotten myself into.


	2. An Eventful Breakfast

Okay, I'm finally writing more! Sorry for the wait. I really do think this story is going somewhere, so I'll try to update more often from now on.

"Well, here we are." Malik gestured dramatically toward a table in the front of the cafeteria. Save for a few people eating silently and not looking up- presumably used to Malik's noise- the table was almost completely empty. I looked up to see Malik grinning expectantly. I managed a small smile.

"I guess I'll sit here, if that's alright." Malik rolled his eyes, the smile still not leaving his face.

"Well, I did bring you here, right? Go ahead; no one ever sits here anyways." Figuring that was as close to an invitation as I would get, I agreed and sat down. It only took a moment, however, for me to notice Malik, who was still looking at me.

"Um, is there something wrong?" Was there something on my face? Or had I said something wrong? Countless possibilities welled up in my mind for why he could be staring at me like this, none of which were positive.

"Were you going to get something to eat?" he asked. "'Course, I'll go with if you are." I almost let out a sigh of relief at his reasonable answer.

Despite the fact that I really wasn't in the mood to eat, I faked another smile and rose from my chair. "Yeah, sure. Let's go." He smiled again and started walking, leading me toward the short line of people waiting for food.

"I always get so hungry in the mornings," he said after a moment of silence. I smiled and nodded, mostly because I didn't know what else to do. He looked me over, narrowing his eyes.

"You know, you really don't say much, do you?" His blunt manner of stating the obvious made my face feel warm with embarrassment.

"I just don't have much to say, I guess." Reaching the front of the line, I grabbed a bowl, a small box of cereal, a spoon, and a carton of milk, putting it all on a green plastic tray. "Besides, I never really had anyone who would listen."

"Malik frowned. "Come on, everyone has something that they want to talk about. Besides, you'll be doing a lot of talking in here, so let's hope you find a topic." Malik's plate was piled with eggs, toast, and fresh fruit, along with a carton of orange juice. I made a mental note of the fact that he didn't take any meat- he was probably a vegetarian. I would ask him later, I decided.

But for that moment, he must have had as little to say as I did, because he was quiet for most of the walk back to the table. I took the chance to glance around the cafeteria. It was small, but there were few enough people that it wasn't too crowded. That was a good thing, considering how I panicked in large crowds. The majority of the people that were there looked to be around my age, probably ranging from their early teens to their early twenties. I assumed that there were different floors for adults and younger children, considering that the floor seemed mainly made up of teens such as me.

We were almost back to our table when Malik paused, noticing someone out of the corner of his eye.

"Hey, Bakura," he called out. "How long have you been behind us?"

"Since you left," Bakura grumbled, clearly annoyed at such an obvious question. Malik, however, didn't seem to pick up on it, showing no reaction whatsoever. We all took our seats, reaching the table with our food. As soon as I had started picking at my bowl of corn flakes, however, Bakura looked at me and spoke.

"So, new kid, what's your deal?" I glanced up.

"What do you mean?"

"Please." Bakura snorted. "You know exactly what I mean. What did you do to get yourself locked up in here? What did they decide was "wrong" with you?" Malik looked up at me as he shoveled food into his mouth, clearly wanting to know the answer as well.

I swallowed. I really wasn't used to getting so much attention, and talking about something like this was so nerve-wracking it made my stomach hurt.

"Um." I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat, trying to find the right words to describe what had happened. "I…"

"Come on," Bakura interrupted. "Spit it out, kid." My face flushed, and my entire body felt hot.

"I, um, well…" my heart was pounding throughout my entire body. Everyone's eyes were on me, and it was so embarrassing, and I was so self conscious, and-

"Hey, Bakura, stop pressuring him. He doesn't have to talk if he doesn't want to…"

"Malik, please. He's a man, isn't he? He can at least tell me what happened to him."

Malik and Bakura continued to fight over me, and whether or not I needed to talk. Meanwhile, my face only grew warmer, and I started shaking. This was bad, if this kept up I would-

"Ryou, are you okay? Because you really don't have to-"

"No, come on, just tell me-"

"…I'm sorry." I stood up from my chair quickly. "I-I'll be right back." I tried running, but only made it a couple steps before falling to my knees and vomiting into my hand.

I hated talking to people for a long amount of time. Maybe it was because I wasn't used to it, but whenever someone tried to pressure me into saying something, I would panic, and this would happen. It was social anxiety, I had been told for years. But either way, I assumed it was the reason for my lack of friends. I wouldn't want to be with someone like me, either.

Malik stood up, eyes wide as he ran toward me.

"H-hey, are you alright? Um, did something happen?"

"…I'm sorry." I was still shaking uncontrollably, and I was rooted to the spot I was in. "I-I'm just like this, that's all." Everyone in our general vicinity was staring at us, and I felt like I might throw up all over again. "I'm so messed up, aren't I. I'm sorry. You didn't do anything, so don't worry."

"Hey…" Malik put a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Come on, relax."

The longer I stayed there with Malik calming me down, the easier breathing became, and the less nauseous I felt. His hand on my shoulder felt nice. It was a comforting gesture I had rarely received in my lifetime.

"We're all messed up," Malik said quietly, so only I could hear it. "Why else would we be here, in this place?"

Bakura only stared at us from the table, his eyes cold and unforgiving.

Xxx

Alright, there we go. I managed to get this together in a couple hours, honestly. But I think it's alright. Review, if you want to~


	3. That Interrogation Feeling

"So, you're Ryou Bakura, yes?"

I stared down at my hands, folded in my lap. Here I was, being forced to speak with yet another stranger. And after the incident this morning, I wasn't exactly in the mood to talk, especially not to a doctor that probably already knew about it.

"Yes." For the first time since entering the office, I glanced up at the person in front of me. It was a woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties, maybe early thirties. "Um, it's nice to meet you."

She smiled. "Yes. And in case they didn't tell you, I'm Dr. Arisato. You can call me Mia, though, if you want." I shook my head to decline her offer almost straight away.

"That's alright. Dr. Arisato is fine." A mild look of displeasure crossed her face, but she said nothing, still smiling.

"Alright, so let's get started. Let's see…" she glanced down at her clipboard, up at me, and down again. "So, Ryou, it says you checked yourself in last night after a suicide attempt?" I clenched my fists so that my nails dug into my palms. Two minutes in, and she started with the difficult questions.

"That's right," I said, avoiding eye contact at all costs. "But something stopped me from jumping, and I don't know what."

"Mhm." Dr. Arisato scribbled something in her notes. "So, Ryou, what made you decide to try and commit suicide?" I swallowed. It was a strange feeling having someone I had only just met asking me such personal questions. I couldn't figure out how to respond right away. I shrugged.

"Nothing, really. I guess I just didn't want to live anymore. What's the point, when I'm so unhappy all the time?"

More scribbling. "So, there's absolutely nothing that you consider to be worth living for?" I hated this. There were too many questions that were too hard to answer. The room was almost suffocating, with no colors but whites, greys, and browns. It was so hot, too. If there had been any windows, I would have opened them myself.

"…I don't know," is what I finally decided to say. "I don't have anything or anyone that I'm particularly attached to."

The doctor nodded. "It also says here that you live alone. Do you mind telling me what happened to the rest of your family?" Oh, god. This was one of the only things I had hoped to avoid in this session. To this day, talking about my family was about as comfortable as sticking needles up my fingernails.

"My mother and sister… they…" I swallowed hard, trying not to let myself break down sobbing. "Um, they died when I was ten, in a car accident. And my father is always away on business, so…" I trailed off, unconsciously wiping at my eyes. It wasn't fair, how they asked me these questions on my first day here. I understood that Dr. Arisato meant well, but she was digging through my mind, picking out my weaknesses and phrasing them as questions. All I wanted was to get out of that stifling room, curl up in bed, and forget everything that had happened.

"Well, just so you know, we have contacted your father to tell him about this." All of a sudden, the hot room felt like a freezer. My throat felt dry, and my face paled.

It had been at least six months since I had received as much as a letter from my father, having ended our previous visit three days early after an argument. If he found out about this, about how weak I was, he would either grow angrier and more disappointed in me, or not care at all.

I assumed the latter, based on past experience.

"He's… well… did he say anything?" I'm sure my voice sounded almost pitiful, but I couldn't help it. This had the potential to be a bad experience, and the very idea of it terrified me. Dr. Arisato looked uncomfortable, only adding to my uneasiness.

"He said he would be coming as soon as his work would allow it, but it may take some time. For right now, he'll be sending the money required to keep you here."

"I see." I bit my lower lip. I had assumed that I wouldn't see him right away (if at all), so I wasn't surprised. I guess I had just hoped that he would prove me wrong, for once.

Too bad miracles never really happened in real life.

Dr. Arisato and I talked for a while longer, but nothing very significant came up. I did have to explain that morning's incident, but after all the digging that had already been done, as well as how numb I still felt from it, it practically seemed insignificant. Still, all I wanted was to leave that room. These places were supposed to help you, yet there I was, being interrogated about my personal life.

When I left the office, I looked down at my wrist and winced. The skin was pink and raw, speckled with bits of red. I didn't know how I hadn't noticed it before, because it stung, even if it hadn't bled all that much. I sighed to myself.

_I did it again. Didn't I promise not to do this to myself anymore?_

_ You tried to _kill _yourself. You already broke that promise last night._

I felt like I was going to start crying. God, how pathetic could I possibly get? It was only my first day in this place, and I had already been driven to self harm AND have an anxiety attack. There was one thing that I could tell for sure at that moment- this was NOT going to be easy.

Xxx

Well, here's some good news- I already have the next chapter of this written out! I was originally going to have a two-part, really long chapter, but in the end, I couldn't really feel the flow, which is why I separated them. So, expect that to be up here as soon as I get time to type it all!


	4. Revelations and Responses

By rthe time my appointment was over, it was already time for lunch. Although I wasn't really ready to face Malik or Bakura, I knew that things would only get worse if I didn't show up.

It was only a matter of seconds after walking into the cafeteria that Malik noticed me, looking me straight in the eye as he did so. I turned away, embarrassed, but I could see him coming up to me anyways.

"Ryou," he called out, waving to me before ultimately catching up to the spot where I was standing.

"Hey, Ryou." He looked me over, then looked right back into my eyes. "Um, how are you doing? After… you know…" I winced. He really had gone straight to the point. I forced myself to smile.

"Oh, I'm alright." I laughed, in a way that may have seemed a bit too cheerful. "Don't worry about me." Malik raised an eyebrow, but shrugged it off.

"That's good. Oh, and Ryou? About Bakura… um, don't take what he said too personally, alright?" I paused.

"What do you mean?"

Malik looked uncomfortable, but he continued speaking anyways. "This morning… right before you… well, anyways. I know it's probably hard, but don't hold it against him, alright? He's… well, he's always been like that, since he came here. I'm not making excuses for him, but-"

"It's fine." I shrugged. "I don't mind. I've been treated worse by other people, anyways."

"Alright." Malik sounded unsure, but seemed to let it go only a second later. "So, are you going to sit with us again? I mean, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't."

I smiled again, this time with more sincerity. "I'll be fine. Really, don't worry about it." Malik grinned in return.

"Alright. Come over here, then." I followed him over to the table we had been at earlier that morning. Bakura was already sitting there, staring at me with the same emotionless glare as before.

"He came back." It was almost impossible to figure out which emotions fell behind those words, but it seemed to me like a mixture of boredom and mild annoyance. "Maybe he's more of a man than he let on this morning, after all."

Malik sighed. "Bakura, come on. Don't be so hard on him." I stared down at the table. So, they were going to fight over me again. I had to be stronger this time, if only to prove Bakura wrong.

"I'll say whatever I damn well please to the kid. You of all people should know that about me, Malik."

"Yes, but that doesn't give you the right to be an asshole."

"What did you say?" Bakura's voice, which had previously remained calm, turned to a low growl. He stared Malik directly in the eye, and slammed his fist on the table. "Say that again. I dare you."

Truth be told, I was terrified. The look in Bakura's eyes at that moment was anything but normal. Yet somehow, Malik stayed calm, staring right back at Bakura.

"You heard what I said. Lay off the kid, it's his first day."

"That's no fucking excuse!" It happened before I had a chance to figure out what was going on. Bakura grabbed Malik by his collar, standing up and pulling their faces within inches of each other. Malik's eyes grew wide.

"Bakura, come on, just calm down. I'll stop talking, just stop-"

"Shut up."

"Ba-"

"I thought I told you to shut up!" Bakura, who was undoubtedly lost in his own rage by that point, lifted his free hand to smack Malik directly across the jaw.

Malik stumbled backwards as Bakura suddenly let him go, his hand flying to his cheek as he winced. I stood up from my own-chair- I had been a bystander for far too long. And now, because of my shyness, my _weakness_, Malik was suffering the consequences.

"Malik, are you okay? Oh god, I'm sorry- here, I can go get you some ice, if you want."

Malik looked up at me and smiled. "It's alright, I'm used to it. Believe it or not, I'm actually pretty tough." He turned his attention away from me, and towards Bakura.

"Are you happy now?" Bakura only stood there, eyes still full of anger, as Malik spoke up at him. "Or are you going to hit me again?"

"Shut up." Bakura turned to walk away. Before he did, he took one last look at Malik and I. "I don't need either of you. I'm used to being alone. Tolerating this bullshit is a hobby, not a necessity." With those words, Bakura left the cafeteria.

I turned to look down at Malik, who was still gently rubbing at his injury. When he noticed me, he smiled sadly.

"He does this sometimes. You get used to it, after a while."

"Why, though?" I whispered. "Why do you put up with that?" He shrugged.

"In a place like this, you need allies. And Bakura really doesn't talk to anyone else." Malik sighed. "You know, he's the type of guy that pushes people away. Not because he's angry at them, but because he doesn't know what else to do."

For a moment, I was speechless. "You really know a lot about him, don't you?" Malik nodded.

"Yeah. I guess it's because the two of us have been here so long. It's hard to get to know most people who come in here, because they leave so quickly. In a world like this, you have to have something constant to hold on to."

"Malik…" There were so many questions I wanted to ask him. How long had he been here? Why was he here? What about Bakura?

Before I had a chance to say anything, however, Malik's eyes gravitated toward my scratched up wrist. His eyes darted up to meet mine.

"Ryou…" he breathed. "Um, are you sure you're alright? Your wrist is-"

"I'm fine," I interrupted. "It doesn't really hurt."

"Yeah, but you might want to cover it up anyways. They'll have a field day if they found out you did this to yourself. They'll keep you here even longer." He paused. "And, you know, you should make sure it doesn't get any worse." I almost sighed with relief. I had expected him to question me, but all I had gotten were some words of advice. I smiled at him, pulling down on my sleeve.

"Thanks."

"No problem." There was a short silence, before my relief was shattered. "Um, do you do that often? Is that why you're here?" Seeing my face turn bright red as I averted my eyes, he added, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I just-"

"Yeah." Malik stopped, and stared at me. "I mean, that's not why I'm here, but I've done it before. I checked myself in."

Malik said nothing, only staring at me. I swallowed, anticipating his reaction. After all, I had never told anyone about it. Weren't people who hurt themselves considered freaks?

But Malik didn't say a word. He rolled up the sleeve of his sweatshirt, and held out his left arm. He looked up at me and smiled sadly.

"There are more on the rest of my body," he said. I looked down at his arm to see what he meant, and gasped. There were scars of varying length running up and down his forearm. Most of them were small, but there were several on the inside of his wrist. Those were the worst of all. They had been drawn with little care for appearance, as they were jagged, thicker lines that were longer than the rest. It was obvious that they had been created in a moment of intense emotions, while the rest were calmer, more subtle.

"Malik…"

"I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was eleven. I almost succeeded, too. Apparently my brother found me passed out on the bathroom floor, bleeding to death. They told me that if he had found me any later, I wouldn't have survived."

"Oh god…" I couldn't think of anything to say, because anything that did cross my mind felt completely wrong. Here was a guy that I had just met only hours ago, telling me something so personal. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to say what got me in here. I wondered if it was one of those things that got easier as time went on.

"Earlier you said that you were messed up," Malik said, a faraway look in his eyes. "But I don't know. What would that say about me?" He stared down at his cut-up arms.

"They say I'll probably be here for a really long time. You, you'll probably stay for a week or two, have some sort of inspirational moment, and leave a thousand times better than you came in. I've seen it happen so many times, I can tell. And that's a good thing, really. It means you'll be able to move on with your life, forget all about this hellhole." I noticed that there were tears building in Malik's eyes, despite the smile that remained on his face.

"I wonder why they bother keeping me alive, trying to help me. If I'm so 'dangerous' on my own, why bother wasting precious resources on me? I don't want their damn pity; I never asked for it!" Malik's voice steadily grew louder and louder, ending in a yell. I reached out my hand to wipe the tears off his face, but he slapped it away. I watched his face move from angry, to realization, to regret.

"Damn it… Ryou, I… oh god, what the hell is wrong with me?"

"Malik, it's fine, I-"

"Stop saying that!" Malik jerked his head up to stare me down. "If something bad happens, it's not fine! If something is bothering you, do something about it! But I can't accept it when people brush things off like that. It's ridiculous."

I felt as though I had been slapped in the face. This side of Malik was one I had never even considered existed. Not in the man who had so cheerfully welcomed me earlier that morning.

"…Fine." I rose from my spot, shaking from some unknown emotion. "I know I'm weal. I know I'm pathetic, and can't say anything right."

"Ryou, I-"

"No, Malik, I get it." I found myself scratching at my wrist again, but despite the pain, I really didn't care. "It's like you said this morning, right? Everyone here is messed up in some way or another. For example, I…" I started to walk away. "I can't make anyone happy, no matter how hard I try. Not even myself."

And so I left the cafeteria, leaving a shocked Malik behind.

Xxx

So, that's what I have written up so far. I'm working on a chapter five right now though, so just wait a little longer. This story is getting fun to write, so I don't see myself abandoning it again anytime soon.

…Reviews? :3


	5. Thoughtfulness Leads to Terror

I was alone.

In the span of maybe half a day, I made new friends, shared secrets, and formed what I thought were going to be lasting bonds.

In an even shorter amount of time, I had ruined it.

It wasn't as though I hadn't expected it. This was hardly the first time that people had fought with me, brushed me off like some unwanted speck of dust. But still, it was one of those things in life that, no matter how often you face it, will continue to hurt. People need other people. And people like me, who shied away from any human contact, were no exceptions.

Xxx

After lunch, we had some free time. My first plan had been to spend some time in my new room, get some rest before what would undoubtedly continue to be an eventful day. There was only one problem, which I realized almost as soon as the idea came up- I shared a room with Malik now. With my luck, if I went in there at that time, he would be there too. And honestly, I wasn't sure if I was ready to face that yet.

The second plan that came to mind was to explore the floor I was currently living on. After all, I couldn't rely on other people to take me places forever. Especially not when I had no one I could comfortably ask.

And so I wandered, passing by all the spots that had been pointed out to me the night before. This time, I made a mental note of everything, noticing things that I had failed to see in last night's tired haze. As I walked, I found myself lost in thought. More specifically, thoughts about the two people I had met earlier that day.

Malik was a good person; that much I could tell. He had done everything he could to make me feel welcome in this place, which couldn't have been easy. Of course he was going to have flaws- he was a human. And he was _here. _But he had a good side as well, I was sure of it. The only question was, would I ever get to see it again while I was here? Or had I ruined any chances of friendship yet again? Knowing how hard it was for me to have even a normal conversation with people, I guessed that it would be the latter.

Meanwhile, Bakura was someone I felt like I should stay away from. Yet, I was curious about him. It was so cliché, like something out of a romance novel, but something about him made me want to know more, drawing me in with all the unknowns surrounding him. He was cruel, but what had made him that way? He was antisocial, but had he always been that way? There were too many unanswered questions, that I couldn't help but want the answers to.

It was all so confusing to me. These people, who I had only just met, were all I could think about. I couldn't remember the last time something like that had happened to me. That had to mean something.

Maybe, just maybe, these people had already grown to be important to me.

"I'll have to face them again, sooner or later," I told myself. "Why not make it happen sooner? Come to think of it, I have nothing to lose. So what is there to hold me back?" Of course, I already knew the answer to that question. It was nothing more than pure fear. I had already been hurt multiple times today, and the last thing I wanted to happen was to experience it yet again. It was the same thing that held me back from talking to anyone, whether it be something simple like participating in class, or something like this. And as much as I hated it, there was nothing I could do about it.

_You're so stupid, Ryou. How could you let something like that get you so worked up?_

I wished with all my heart that I knew the answer to that question. Then maybe, just maybe, I could find a way to fix it.

I glanced up at my surroundings. Apparently through all my wandering, I had ended up right back in the hallway that held my room. Or had I even left in the first place? I had been so lost in thought; I didn't quite know the answer. But at this point, I was sick of wandering, sick of thinking. All I wanted was some down time, maybe a chance to rearrange my thoughts so they formed a cohesive shape. And of I was going to get that, I would have to take my chances on my room. Maybe, with some luck, I would get that peace and quiet I so desired.

…Except, I had forgotten- luck was rarely if ever on my side. Because as soon as I creaked open the door, I saw Malik, sitting on his bed with his knees held to his chest, his expression invisible from where I was standing. I swallowed. What could I possibly say in this situation?

Maybe a simple greeting would be the easiest way to start.

"Malik? Um, hi. Listen, I'm sorry about-"

"You made him cry." Malik's voice was deeper than I remembered from earlier, almost gravely. I wanted to see his face, but his expression was still unreadable.

"…I'm sorry?" I finally said, after a short pause. "Um, who exactly do you mean by 'him?'" It was a practical question, really, and I had thought nothing of it. My assumption had been that he was talking to himself, which may have been what made the next words out of his mouth so horrifyingly confusing.

"You should know exactly what I mean, Ryou Bakura. You made Malik cry, didn't you?" for the first time, the man on the bed looked up. And what I saw only added to the confusion and terror of the moment. His eyes, which had previously been alive with emotion, were now a dull violet, his pupils barely visible. "I don't know what happened, but it upset him quite a bit."

It happened so fast, I didn't know how to react. Malik- or the man pretending to be Malik, whoever it was- lunged from the bed and over to the doorway, slamming me into the wall by the door and keeping me in place with a firm grip on my throat. Just like that, I felt the air being cut off from my body. I struggled in a panic, but his grip stayed firm. This was so bad, I was going to die like this…

"What exactly was it that you said, _Ryou?" _"Malik's" voice was dripping with venom, and his cold eyes were fixed on my terrified face. "Malik doesn't cry. He likes to bottle everything inside, until…" He moved his face closer to mine, so I could feel his warm breath on my face. "He gets sent over the edge, so to speak. He tries to stay positive for everyone, as he slowly kills himself on the inside and outside. So, what was it? What could someone as pathetic-looking as you have possibly done to make him break such an old habit?"

"I… Sorry… it was… a mistake…" It took all of my effort to choke those words out. My throat felt sore, and I was quickly growing dizzy from lack of oxygen. Yet Malik didn't relent in the slightest. Rather, he grinned, in a way that wasn't quite sane, before laughing in a way that was even less sane.

"Apologize louder! Come on, you admit that you did something wrong, so let me hear you plead for forgiveness! Get on your knees!" Quickly, Malik released me, punching me in the stomach with full force. I couldn't help but meet his demands. I fell on my knees, but I couldn't say anything. I tried to cough violently, inhaling as quickly as I could, but with the wind completely knocked out of me from the blow, I only managed a panicked expression and a couple of pathetic wheezes. My vision started to go a bit fuzzy around the edges, but I refused to give in. I focused on Malik's cries of, "Come on! I can't hear you! Apologize, to Malik and to me!"

From the background, I heard the sound of footsteps and the voices of both nurses and Malik, who the nurses seemed to be trying to restrain with full force. I tried to breathe again, and to my relief, I immediately started coughing as I inhaled roughly, still doubled over from the hit I had taken. I felt tears streaming from my eyes, another sign of the panic that was currently settling in as I struggled for air. One or two of the nurses bent down to look at me, and they yelled things that I couldn't really comprehend in my current state. A crowd had formed around us at this point, and normally, that would have terrified me further. But at this point, I was tired of fighting off the invitations into unconsciousness, and slowly let myself drift away from the chaos all around me.

Xxx

Ooh, things are heating up now, aren't they~ At this point, it should be a bit more obvious as to what Malik's issue is. It will be officially revealed in the next chapter, but I'm sure my readers are smart enough to figure it out for themselves. Although I'll be honest, Bakura's story is the one I'm looking forward to revealing the most! Oh, well. It may take some time, but I promise, we will get to that point eventually~


	6. The Visitor

I awoke to a room that was not my own. At first I was confused as to why I wasn't at home, but I quickly remembered my current situation. Still, the room wasn't the one I was supposed to be staying in. There was a window, unlike where I had awakened that morning. As I regained some of my senses, I tried to sit up and get a better look around. But before I could get very far, a familiar voice told me, "They'll get mad if you try and do anything besides rest. Not that I care, but I don't want to listen to them, either."

Reluctantly, I lay back down. My hand moved to my throat, and I noticed that there were some bandages wrapped around it. My memory of what had happened was still a bit fuzzy, but bits and pieces were coming back to me.

Malik had been there. Or rather, someone who looked like Malik. He had tried to strangle me, for some reason, and I must have passed out after that. The only question that remained was…

"Why are you here, Bakura?" My voice hurt a bit, but I still needed to get those words out. He smirked.

"I only came because I had nothing better to do. Besides, nothing really happens here on normal days, so when it does, I like to find out about it. So, what did you do to set him off? It's been a while since he's let Mariku out."

"I…" I swallowed, brushing my hand against my bandages again. I noticed that my wrist had also been wrapped up where I had scratched it. I wasn't sure how I should feel that I had been discovered, but I had bigger issues to deal with at that moment, anyways. "We just had a fight after you left the cafeteria, is all. It wasn't a big deal, but when I went back to our room, he was…" my voice trailed off, sure that Bakura could pick up on the rest. He nodded.

"Figures." He moved slightly from his spot at the other end of the room, so that he was sitting on the ledge of the window. "You know, Malik likes to pretend that he's strong, but he's actually really weak. You have to be careful around him, because you never know when his other personality will decide to make an appearance."

My mouth felt dry. "Other… Personality…"

"Yeah." Bakura shrugged. "You're lucky that you found out so soon, in a way. Now there's nothing to hide. But that's right- there's more than one Malik." He laughed, upon seeing my shocked expression. "You have Malik, the one you met this morning. I guess you could say he's the main personality. But then sometimes, you get the other personality of his. We call him Mariku, and whenever he comes out, something bad will happen. Believe it or not, this has happened before."

"…Where is he?" My head was spinning with all this new information, but I still had room for more questions. Again, Bakura shrugged in response.

"I don't know what they do with him when this happens, but usually something like this will get you sent into a different room, where you have to stay until you prove again that you're a good person. Or something. At least, that's what they've done to me in the past."

I wanted to question Bakura some more- especially on his last statement- but I assumed it would be better to leave some things for if we got to know each other better. But still, there was one other thing nagging at the back of my mind. After a few moments of silence, as Bakura started to say something about how he needed to get back to his floor, I forced myself to ask it.

"I'll get to see him again, right?" Bakura turned to look at me.

"You want to see him again? After what happened?" My face flushed.

"…I said some cruel things to him, and I want to apologize," I finally said, after a moment. Bakura looked confused, but only said one other thing before he left the room.

"You're pretty strange, you know. But I guess you're tougher than I thought." And with that questionable comment left hanging in the air, he disappeared, leaving me alone to process what exactly had just happened. It wasn't for another few minutes that I realized he had never answered my question.

Xxx

Alright, I realize that this was a short chapter. But I needed a filler chapter, so please bear with me- I'll get this story back on track soon, hopefully by the next chapter.

If you could leave even a quick review on the way out, it would be very much appreciated~


	7. Reconciliation

I didn't see Malik for three days after that, although I returned to my normal room the day after the incident. Some doctors questioned me about what had happened and what I thought should be done about it, but I was able to brush them off. I told them that yes, I would be alright with seeing him again, or even going back to sharing a room with him. I wasn't sure why I felt that way, so even when they asked, I couldn't answer that question. But I really did want to see him again. I wanted to know more about him, to talk with him, And considering how much I hated talking to anyone the rest of the time, that felt like it could be important.

But for the three days that Malik was gone, I was silent for most of the time. The only people I had gotten to know so far had been Malik and Bakura, who I had nothing to say to anyways. So I was completely alone until Malik came back, if he was even willing to see me again. I was still partially to blame for what happened, after all- I had been the one to upset him enough that his other personality came out. If he still hated me, I wouldn't be able to blame him in the least.

After all, he wouldn't be the only one.

Xxx

When I first saw Malik after he returned, he was sitting at his normal table. Upon closer inspection, I quickly noticed just how exhausted he looked. There were bags under his eyes, and his hair was still tangled from sleep. He wasn't even close to giving off the cheerful, vibrant aura he had on my first day. It was the opposite, actually- he looked absolutely terrible.

He glanced up just as I was about to look away, and as our eyes met, I paused. His lips parted slightly, and his eyes widened in surprise. He quickly moved his gaze to the table, his expression unreadable.

I sighed. Did he want to avoid me? Was he still angry with me?

There was really only one way to find out. I took a deep breath, and began walking toward where Malik was sitting. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him as I approached. Pointing to a chair, I asked, "Is it alright if I sit here?" Malik glanced up at me in surprise for a moment, before lowering his head and nodding. He didn't even look at me as I sat down.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his head still down. "I thought that you would hate me, after what happened the other day." He laughed bitterly. "You wouldn't have been the first."

I shrugged. "You said yourself that we needed to stick together in this place. Besides, I felt like I needed to apologize." Malik looked up at me for the first time since my arrival. His eyes held surprise, but he laughed.

"I tried to _kill _you, and you want to apologize? You need to get your priorities straight."

"Well, I just…" I closed my eyes and sighed. "I made assumptions that I shouldn't have, and ended up upsetting you. None of this would have happened if I hadn't left you like that."

Malik stared at me with wide eyes. He started to speak a few times, but he always cut himself off. "Don't be ridiculous," he finally said, looking away again. "All of this can only be traced back to me being an ass. You only ran away because I was-"

"Malik." I couldn't stand to let him keep going like this- it hurt me almost as much as I was sure it hurt him. "Don't keep doing this to yourself. I'll take some of the blame, and so can you. It's not going to change anything if you keep feeling like this, so you can go ahead and move on."

"Ryou…" Malik closed his eyes and took a deep breath, which was exhaled in a heavy sigh. "You don't know me. In my world, moving on isn't an option. It never has been. No matter what, something will always remind you of whatever it is you try to forget. Not a day has gone by that I haven't had to remember that." He paused. "I showed you my wrists. You saw how messed up they looked. Well, I see it too. And when I look at those scars, or any of the others, for that matter, I can't just 'move on.' Forgetting is Impossible."

I stared down at the table, unsure of what to say next. Everything he had just said, as much as I hated to admit it, was completely true. I couldn't say anything to make him feel better, because I couldn't say anything in return and call it truth. I had no idea what Malik had been through, but the general idea was the same as both of us. The past could never be forgotten. And for some people, that truth was harder to accept than it was for others.

"Then we don't have to forget," I finally said. "We don't have to move on. But at the very least, can we still try and get along?"

"I… you…" Malik wiped at his eyes with his sleeve, and looked up at me with a shaky smile. "You're way too forgiving. You're like my complete opposite." He paused. "But I guess that's a good thing."

"You're not…" I shook my head and smiled. "You're a good person, Malik. I don't know you very well, but… I want to. I can't talk to people without panicking most of the time, but I feel like you're different." My face was burning with embarrassment, but I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to talk with him, to have someone I could call a friend.

"How about this, then." Malik's eyes held a faraway look, as though he had gone to another place entirely. "If you want to know me, I'll tell you everything about myself- my past, my present, and whatever the future will probably hold for me. I'll share all of it with you, and then I'll ask you if you still think I'm such a great person.

I probably should have hesitated more than I did. But curiosity got the best of me, and before I knew it, I was nodding my head. "I said I wanted to know, after all." Malik stared downwards, not looking at me once as he began to speak.

Xxx

"I came from a small family. When I was born, I had a brother, a sister, a mother, and a father. Although I never did get to meet my mother- she ended up dying right after giving birth to me. Sometimes I wonder if that was some sort of sick foreshadowing of the rest of my life.

My brother, Rishid, was always nice to me. We weren't related my blood, and my father never let us forget that. Still, we were always close growing up. I didn't have very many friends, because I was rarely allowed out of the house. But I never really minded that, and the people who picked on me when I did go out rarely bothered me. Somehow, whenever the kids in my neighborhood were beating the shit out of me, Rishid would show up and step in. I idolized him, just like any normal kid looks up to their older sibling.

I also had my sister, Ishizu. We really never had the same connection as I had with Rishid, but she was still a good older sister. She still is, actually- every once in a while, she'll come back here and visit with me, even though she's usually busy with work.

Then there was my father. There are a lot of words that could describe him, the first ones coming to mind being "A complete monster." My mother's death had completely devastated him, and he decided early on in my life that I was the only one who could be blamed. As far back as I can remember, he's told me how much he hates me, how much he wished that I had died in her place. Rishid was often bullied by him too, for not being his real son, but at the end of the day, I was his favorite toy, one he enjoyed breaking repeatedly.

Still, from what I remember, he didn't start to actually leave lasting marks on my body until I was around eight years old. Although by the time he started that, he had me convinced that I was a terrible child, and that I deserved everything I got. What else was I supposed to believe?

I still have scars from the years that this was happening, although he was smart enough to put them where they wouldn't be seen. Sure, he may have been an asshole, but he knew how to manipulate others into believing his innocence. Even if I had had the courage to tell anyone back then, nothing would have been done, I can guarantee it.

Despite the torment he suffered on his own, sometimes Rishid would stand in for me and take some of the damage. He was always much stronger than I was, and he never complained about the times he helped me. But in the end, he and Rishid were in the same situation as I was- we were only children, and no matter how many scars appeared on my body, or how thin I was forced to become, we weren't powerful enough to overthrow him.

At ten years old, things only got worse. There were two or three times where I ended up in the hospital because of my father, forced to tell some lie about falling down the stairs. He still hated me after all those years, so much that he had no problems showing and telling me how much he wanted me to die. "Revenge for my wife," is what he called it. If Rishid and Ishizu hadn't been there, I would have been dead a long time ago.

Although, by the time I had turned eleven years old, death didn't seem very scary anymore. I had started to hurt myself when I was about nine, but the cuts had always been shallow, small marks to prove that I could still control something. I started doing it more and more, convinced that it was what kept me sane and alive. But not even that could help me for long, and I ended up trying to kill myself on my eleventh birthday. I don't remember what made that day so terrible, but at that point, I didn't need a specific reason. I only wanted everything to stop.

According to my sister and the doctors, it was Rishid who saved my life that day. He found me and somehow brought me to the hospital, all without running into my father, who undoubtedly punished him severely for it when he did find out.

I'll never forget the faces my family had when I next saw them. Ishizu was crying, and Rishid was faking a smile as he told me that things would be alright.

I didn't see my father until I returned home, after explaining away all the scars on my far-too-thin body. He looked so disappointed, and told me, "Try harder next time."

So I did.

Between then and the day I turned twelve, I think I attempted suicide three more times. Every single time, Rishid found me and helped me. And every single time, my father berated me for being so useless. I couldn't even die properly, after all. That was one of the worst years of my life, both physically and mentally.

The last day of my father's life was the day before the New Year. And if what happened hadn't ended up happening, it would have finally been mine.

I remember that my father had been drinking that day. Surprisingly, it was a rare occasion for him to do that, but with how destructive he acted while drunk, that might have been a good thing.

I remember that everything started as I walked into the kitchen, only to find Rishid lying unconscious on the floor, my father standing over him. He was spattered in blood, as was the knife in his hand. And for the first time, I understood what Rishid went through whenever I tried to kill myself. Everything up to that point had been terrible, sure, but seeing the one person I could rely on in my personal hell collapsed and barely breathing was, I think, what finally sent me over the edge. I remember I only stood and stared for a minute, but the last thing I saw was my father noticing me, grinning, and walking towards me with the knife in his hand.

The next thing I knew, I was sitting next to my father's mutilated body, soaked in blood. Rishid was on my other side, just as still as my father. I couldn't say anything; all I could do was scream. Ishizu ran in and stared on in shock, and after that, everything was a blur.

I found out later that that was the day my other personality came out for the first time. You met him the other day, from what I heard. So when it came time for the police to decide what to do with me, they decided that I was insane, and threw me in here.

Xxx

"And now, here I am," Malik said. He sighed, indicating that he had finished his story. For the first time since he had started talking, he looked up at me and smiled sadly. "So, do you think I'm a good, strong person? After I killed both my parents, let my brother die, and tried to kill myself? I'm weak, Ryou. I can't do anything. I never could." Malik sniffed, and I could see the tears in his eyes. "So, go ahead and hate me. I hate myself, too."

Seeing the broken look in Malik's eyes, there was only one thing I could think of doing. I stood up, walked around the table, and put my hand on his shoulder. It was a small gesture, but it was something that always made me feel better. It meant that someone cared enough to worry about you, which could sometimes make all the difference in the world.

"I still don't think that way," I said softly. "I think… that you were caught up in something that no one should have to deal with. So, I still want to stay with you, to get to know you even more. Who knows? If you want to, we could even end up being friends."

Malik's eyes were wide as he stared up at me, tears still falling down his cheeks. "Ryou…" he whispered, almost unbelievingly. "Ryou, I…"

All of a sudden, I felt Malik's arms wrap tightly around my waist, and his head was buried into my chest. He sobbed and said my name over and over as he broke down in front of me, exactly as I had only a few short days ago. I decided to stay quiet, mostly because there was simply nothing to say.

"It's been a long time since anyone has said that to me," Malik said, quietly looking up at me as he calmed down. "Bakura and I get along, sure, but I don't know how he feels about me." Malik glanced around the room. "Come to think of it, where is Bakura? He hasn't shown up, and lunch is almost over." I shrugged. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen him much the past few days, either. I wished that I knew how to feel about that- while Malik seemed to miss him, I was glad to not be berated by him, or be thrown into another panic attack. But Malik seemed to move on in the blink of an eye, as he started to talk about unimportant things. So I decided to let it go as well, although a few questions about Bakura were still bothering me.

I still wondered what had drawn me to these people, why I was so interested in them. But for that moment, I didn't care. Because in only three days, I had finally found someone I could call a friend.

Xxx

It's finally done! I had to start this chapter maybe three times before I was satisfied. And even now, I wish that it had been better. Still, I've been waiting to write Malik's past in this. I know it's pretty different from his canon childhood, but this IS an AU, so you'll have to come to expect that sort of thing. Oh, well. Reviews would absolutely make my day, if you have time to leave one.


	8. Impending Fear

Okay, you guys, I'm finally coming back to this. I tried to get something out sooner, but the first five or so ideas I had for this chapter just didn't work out very well. I think this will be alright, though, so I'll try to update more often again from now on.

According to Malik, Saturday was when most of us were allowed visitors. At first I hadn't worried too much over his words, mostly because I didn't think that they would affect me. I didn't have any friends who would take the time to come see me, and my only "family" (in a technical sense) was my father, who would _definitely _not take the time to come see me.

At least, that was what I thought.

When Dr. Arisato told me that my father had managed to get time off work to come back to Domino, all I could do was laugh. When it came to my father, work was much more important than his only son. It didn't make any sense for him to return now.

Besides, I knew exactly what he thought of me, when I crossed his mind at all. He had told me several times. He didn't hate me- rather, he was completely indifferent. There was an undeniable sense of lingering disappointment as well, but I couldn't say I blamed him for it. I was everything a boy my age wasn't supposed to be- I hated sports, preferring to spend my time reading. My features were feminine enough that I had been mistaken for a girl a couple of times, and my shyness did nothing at all to change that. All of that added up to a son who apparently wasn't worth his time- until now, I guessed.

Directly after I found out about my father's impending visit, I was sent off to lunch. I was still numb from the shock of the news I had been given, and I almost didn't notice when Malik called out my name from behind.

"Hey, wait up." I paused and turned around, and sure enough, Malik was catching up to me. I waited until he was next to me, and then started to walk again.

"What's up?" he said, upon seeing my most likely worried expression.

I was almost reluctant to tell him, despite his curiosity. Not because I didn't want him involved in my personal life- he had told me enough about himself for me to know that secrets were a thing of the past. Still, I wasn't sure how he would react if I did tell him. Would he understand? After all, he had had issues with his own father. But at the same time, would he tell me that I was being stupid and worrying over things that were, in the scheme of things, completely insignificant?

There must have been a long pause between us, because when I snapped back to reality, he looked confused.

"…Ryou? Are you listening?"

I put on the best smile I could manage. "Oh, yeah. I-I'm fine." He didn't look the least bit convinced, and after the way I had spoken, I couldn't blame him for it. I sighed, looking down at the floor to avoid his questioning gaze.

"Are you sure? You're acting really suspicious." I swallowed. He was too observant- he could see through me without any effort whatsoever. At the rate we were going, he was going to pry everything out of me, whether I liked it or not. I sighed, giving in to the pressure.

"It's not a big deal, really," I said, trying to put things off for as long as possible. "Just family problems. Really, don't worry about it."

Malik snorted. "That's it? We all deal with that kind of thing. It's not a big deal." He paused. "Is it?"

"I don't really know yet," I answered honestly. "I… My father is coming here in a couple days. We don't really get along, is all."

A look of some unreadable emotion crossed Malik's face. I wondered for a moment if I had actually upset him, like I had been trying to avoid. But as soon as that disappeared, a small smile appeared, although his eyes held a faraway look.

"Is it bad?" he asked after a brief moment of silence. I didn't have to ask any further to understand what he meant. _Is he anything near what mine was like? _Was what I was sure he thought. _Is that why you're here?_

"No," I said carefully. "I mean, I know it could be a whole lot worse. I'm probably being overdramatic about the whole thing." I laughed nervously. Malik stayed silent. "I don't know. Maybe we just don't know how to deal with each other. I mean, we don't usually talk, but when we do, it can get pretty uncomfortable."

"Huh." Malik didn't look angry or upset as I had expected. Rather, his face was void of any readable emotion. The atmosphere had noticeably grown darker during the conversation, and I immediately worried that I had said the wrong thing. Was it like I thought? Was I worried over nothing? Was it such a small thing that I shouldn't have bothered to bring it up at all?

I noticed the warmth spreading across my face from embarrassment, and I looked away from Malik. I didn't know whether or not I needed to apologize, or if that would only make things worse. A small knot formed itself in my stomach, and I could feel my heart rate speed up. _No, stop_, I told myself. _You can't get nervous over something like this. It's not worth it, so just calm down._

My talk with myself was interrupted by Malik's voice. "So, he'll be here on Saturday? That's two days from now, right?"

It took me a moment to snap out of my thoughts. I looked back up at Malik, who was back to his concerned expression.

"I think so," I said after another pause. "I still don't know why he's doing it, but yeah, that's when they said he would be here."

Malik shrugged. "Is it really that surprising? I mean, you two may not get along, but you are still family. Don't you think he would feel _something _finding out about something like this about his only son?"

"I guess. But I would have expected disappointment, not concern."

Malik smiled. "I can understand that part. When I first saw my sister after I came here, I thought she had only come to tell me how much she hated me and what I had done." Malik's smile grew just a bit softer around the edges, as though he was lost in some sort of memory. "But I still remember what she said. She apologized, over and over again. She kept saying how much she wished that she could have stopped everything before this happened." Despite Malik's obvious attempts to stay strong, I could see his smile wavering. "So, you never know. He could be disappointed- I don't know your dad, I won't make assumptions. But who knows? I know it sounds bad, but maybe something like this was exactly what the two of you needed."

Malik did have a point, I knew that much. Still, there was a small, nagging part of me that told me things wouldn't be that simple. Maybe it was everything that had happened between us in the past, but I sincerely doubted that, come Saturday, we were going to get through our meeting without any troubles.

Still, I smiled and nodded. I didn't need Malik to know about the fear I held concerning our impending visit. I didn't need anyone to know- it was my problem, and if I was going to become any stronger, then I would have to learn how to deal with it myself. Even if the thought of something nearly drove me to tears, I would need to power through it.

Of course, it was easy to tell myself things like that in advance. But lingering in the back of my mind, as I knew it would nearly every second of every day until my father arrived, were the small shadows of doubt, waiting for the right opportunity to lead me back into that cycle of self-pity I so wanted to escape.

Xxx

Ugh, I think it's finally done. To be honest, I've been working on this chapter on and off since about November or December. I know I don't have much to show for it, but I just kept on forgetting about it. This story isn't as important to me as it used to be, quite honestly- all I can see anymore are its flaws, and while I still like writing it, I can't help but hate what I see whenever I read back over it.

I figure maybe I'm just in a bad spot with it right now, and if I give it time and more chapters, I'll get over it. But really- the characters are so ooc, and the story isn't really worth mentioning. If it was an original piece of fiction, I think I would like it a lot more, because the characters are quickly deviating from their original counterparts, and I don't know how to stop it.

I will continue this fic- I'm not saying I'm going to stop writing it or anything like that. But I don't know, I did think about it at one point, so I figured out that I might say something about how I feel about this story.


	9. Visitor

The time of my father's visit was, before I knew it, only a few hours away. I couldn't sleep at all the night before, and during breakfast I could barely eat a thing, thanks to nerves.

Malik was quick to notice my nervous state, between my shaking hands and lack of progression on my food. "Come to think of it, your dad was going to be coming in today, wasn't he?" he said, completely casually. I nodded slowly, not looking up from the table or saying a word. "Still not excited, huh?" An odd half smile appeared on his face.

"Not really." I sighed.

"You can tell them you don't want to see him, you know. Just say that he'll 'hurt your chances of recovery,' and they'll keep him away."

I shrugged. "He's already flown in from halfway across the world. I can't exactly stop it now."

"Hmm." Malik looked thoughtful. "Well, maybe he'll be more understanding about this whole thing than you're expecting. Anything is better than him showing up and being a complete asshole, right?"

"Yeah. God knows we need more daddy issues in this place." The last comment came from Bakura, who was only just now sitting down with a plate of bacon. Malik rolled his eyes at him.

"Like you're one to talk," he muttered.

Bakura ignored Malik's comment, continuing on as though he hadn't spoken at all. "Seriously, that's practically a requirement in this place. 'Your dad must be this much of a dick to enter.' That, or he's dead." He glanced at Malik. "Or both, in some cases."

"Whatever." Malik turned back to me, apparently making the decision not to comment on what Bakura had said. "I'm sure you'll be fine. It's usually just an hour or two before they make visitors leave, so you won't have to deal with him for very long."

"I guess." I sighed again. It was something that was quickly becoming a habit on days like these. Bakura looked at me and smirked.

"What, are you worried he's going to say something mean to you? You do know there's an easy way to deal with that, right?"

I almost dreaded Bakura's answer, but sensing that I had no other option, I responded anyways. "What is it?"

His smile transformed into a complete grin. "Just be an asshole back to him. Be more assertive with him, and don't let him talk shit about you." I had my doubts about what Bakura had said, but I just nodded and let it go, not wanting to start a fight by disagreeing. Still, there was a small part of my brain nagging at me with a single thought.

_What would happen if I really did try that?_

Xxx

The room they led me to was painted a pale green color. In any other situation, I would have thought of it as nice and comforting, a perfect fit for this sort of place. But at that moment, they might as well have been painted a plain white like the rest of the hospital, for how little good they did at calming me down. My heart was racing, and my entire body felt warm. I could barely concentrate as they told me that my father was only minutes away from joining me. Based on their reactions I think I nodded, but at that point, I didn't really notice what my body was doing.

Just like the doctors had promised, my father entered the room after what I assumed to be a few minutes. Without saying anything- or even giving me a single glance- he found his way to the chair set across from me at the small table and sat down.

Neither of us spoke right away. If his emotions were anywhere near where mine were, then he wasn't at all sure what he should say. I was staring at the table, and I assumed that he was doing the same.

Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. I broke the silence, if only to get it over with.

"I didn't expect to see you so soon."I looked up, but he still refused to look me in the eye.

"I managed to get some time off work more quickly than I had thought," he said, finally looking at me when he finished his sentence. "Are you doing well?"

I froze. _Was _I doing well? Did nearly killing myself and ending up in a mental hospital, having nervous breakdowns over the tiniest things, count as being alright? I hadn't died. I was still, in a technical sense, alive. So I decided that it was close enough.

"I'm fine," I said after a moment. Even if it was the biggest lie on the planet, it didn't matter. He didn't really need to know, or even want to. More likely than not, he was only asking as a formality.

He nodded slowly. "I see." Another pause passed between us. It was funny, really, how a father and son- the only two living members of their family- could have so little to say to each other, especially after being apart for so many months.

I should have seen his next words coming. I knew the question would come sooner or later. Still, it managed to catch me slightly off guard.

"They told me about what you tried to do." I clenched my fists so tightly that my nails dug into my skin.

"I'm… I'm sorry." I wasn't sure what else to say, but it didn't seem to do anything besides annoy him slightly, based on the slight change in his expression. "I-I didn't-"

"Didn't what?" His expression was as cold as ice, and he was glaring directly at me. It was almost terrifying, because I couldn't read much further than that into his emotions. My only assumption was that I had managed to somehow anger him more. "I have to say, Ryou, I never expected you to be selfish enough to try something like this."

I couldn't help but let out a small gasp. My eyes widened, and my nails dug even deeper into my skin.

"Selfish…" The word echoed through my mind over and over again, like a skipping CD. I was selfish. I finally tried to make a decision about myself, for my own life, and I was called selfish for it. I felt like I was going to be sick.

"You didn't consider anyone else's feelings besides your own, did you?" He finally looked away. "You can't just give in to such immature impulses so easily, Ryou. I thought I raised you to be stronger than that. I thought you _were _stronger than that, especially after we lost your mother and Amane."

I was speechless. First he called me selfish, then he decided to pretend like he knew anything about me? How could he say that, when he had never expressed any interest in me or my life? How could he suddenly decide that I was valuable to him? Was it because he was just as "selfish" as I was, finally realizing what he had and choosing to keep it to himself?

Vaguely, in the corner of my mind, I recalled the advice Bakura had given me earlier that morning. He had told me that if something like this happened, I should try standing up for myself. There was no reason to keep letting my father walk all over me, was there?

But as I sat there shaking, I was still at a complete loss. Where exactly could I find the right words for this situation? Did I need to swallow any doubts that I could have had and say how I felt directly? How cruel should I be when I said it? What would he say to me, after all was said and done?

Slowly, I unclenched my hands and looked up. I could do this, and whether or not I really wanted to, I _would_ do this. I was going to take Bakura's advice. I was going to become the strong person that everyone had always wanted me to be, including my father.

Swallowing, I stared my father straight in the eye.

"Dad… How can you try and convince me that I'm important to you after all this time?" My voice trembled, despite my desperate attempts to steady it. "How can you say something like that when I haven't even gotten a phone call from you in over a year?"

My father moved his stare back down to the table. After a moment of silence, he muttered, "Ryou, you know how expensive international calls are. I already spend enough money each month so that you have a place to stay, and food on the table."

"There are other ways though, Dad. Letters are probably just as expensive, but I remember that I gave you my email last time you visited." I couldn't back down now. Inside I was a mess of nerves, but I couldn't turn back anymore. I wouldn't let him convince me of anything this time around. "I know we were fighting at that point, but… if you're going to argue that I'm important to you, don't cut off all contact with me until it's almost too late."

He continued to stare- whether it was at me or the door behind me, I wasn't exactly sure. His face was completely devoid of emotion. "You're my son, Ryou," he said. "I came halfway across the world for you when I found out what happened. Even though work is busy right now, and I had to beg my boss for a few days off, I still took the time to come see you."

"And when's the next time you're going to do that?" Without meaning to, my voice dropped to a shaky whisper. "When was the last time you did that? Are you sure you're really doing this because you care about what happens to me? Or is it to make yourself feel better?" I paused. "I know you wouldn't have come if I hadn't done what I did, dad. I-I'm not saying it was right, but can you really say to me that you would be here right now if I hadn't tried to kill myself?"

"I'm doing the best I can, Ryou!" My questions could have continued on forever- they were flowing out of my mouth, everything I had previously held back suddenly coming forth. But I was interrupted when my father's voice, suddenly much louder than before, cut in. "This is how life is! I have a job, and I need to do it if I want the two of us to have a place to live, or food on the table. I may not be able to say much to you in between, but whether or not you're old enough to understand where I'm coming from, I'm trying to do what's best for you!"

I stared back down at the table. A part of me really, really wanted to believe in what he was saying. I wanted to savor the occasion, in a way- when was the last time he had said _anything _to me, let alone something like that? But still- maybe it was _because _of the scarcity of those words, but I was having an extremely difficult time believing him. Was he saying what he truly thought? Or was it all just a front, one he was using to regain my trust? I wasn't sure anymore. All I knew was that either way, it couldn't possibly make up for our past.

"If that's the case," I finally said, my voice steadied only by my constant effort to stay calm despite my need to break down completely, "Then why stay here? Why not go back to work right now?" He opened his mouth to protest, but I cut him off. "If it really is one or the other, then do what I know you would rather do. Stop acting like you care, and go back to Egypt. I don't need you here. Even when I did- when I hoped and hoped that you would show up- you were never there. I managed on my own for all that time. Now, I don't-" I cleared my throat to give myself a pause before I continued- "I don't want you here, dad."

Yet again, all he could do was stare at me. I could see traces of surprise, anger, and- of all things- disappointment in his eyes. For a split second, I worried that I had said the wrong thing to him. Even if I disliked him, he was still my father. It was incredibly difficult to hurt him without feeling something, and wishing that I could take it all back. Eventually, a sad sort of smile crossed over his face.

"I see," was all he could say, after a very long pause. "You really have grown up now, haven't you?" Slowly, the smile never leaving his face, he sighed. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there to see it happen, Ryou."

"Dad, I-" But he clearly wasn't listening anymore. By the time I processed what was happening, he had already risen from his spot, and was slowly making his way out the door. But right before he left me completely alone, he turned to face me one last time.

"I'll be flying back to Egypt tomorrow morning. I'm sure you'll be happy to know that I won't be able to come back any time soon." He turned around, his face once again hidden from my view. Just before the door closed, he said, "You can be better than this, Ryou. So don't try anything like that again." The door shut behind him, and I sat in that room, motionless and completely alone.

Alone, where no one could see me as I finally let my emotions overtake my control on everything I had been holding back.

Xxx

I typed it. Finally. I need to be better about typing/posting the things I write immediately after I, you know, finish writing them. This has been sitting in my notebook for a loooong time. But I figured that I should finally do it- apparently people are actually reading this story now, so I need to start doing a better job at keeping up with it. But hey, at least you're better off than the followers on pretty much anything else I write- 4 months since I updated In Chaos and Darkness (although an update is coming), about 7 months since I updated my 100 themes…. Wow I'm terrible at this whole multitasking thing.

But I, as always, digress. Thanks to the support I got upon returning last chapter, I probably will start to focus more seriously on this story starting relatively soon. I haven't got the entire thing planned out yet, but there are some pretty great things that I do have in store for people who stick with it. So stay tuned, I guess, and don't forget to leave another review (or your first review, if that's the way you're rolling right now)on the way out.


End file.
